affairs
by not.snorry
Summary: #EmptytheSlush posting posting posting SS/HP friendship, potential slash. Snape's been in the same shitty relationship for 18 years with no out. he and Harry bond during occlumency and maybe he develops some self-esteem


Teach the boy. When had he ever shown a propensity for teaching the boy? And even if he had ever indicated that he could teach the boy, that did not lead into teaching him this. An untrained mind is fragile; an immature youth is impressionable. He should know—he'd been the student once, the one groomed. And look at him, so proficient in mind magic he could easily lie to the two most powerful wizards of their time. It had only cost him his youth and future.

The domestic part of his life wasn't something he had to occlude. Nobody expected him to have one and thus nobody went looking for proof of one. For his trained mind, defending against another trained mind was no sweat off his brow. Potter's untrained mind would be another beast. The little brat would probably go looking for something embarrassing, first chance he got.

Eads rolled over to face him, no longer snoring. Would he make a move? A loud crash drew his attention and the point was moot. They were both out of bed with the speed of men who never wanted to be in it in the first place.

"Jason?" Eads called, his gruff voice filling the room.

"Dad?" Jason peered up from under his bangs for a moment before ducking his head back down to continue vomiting.

Severus cringed and backed away, trapped in the past for a moment, while Eads ran forward. Jason was the same age he'd been during his pregnancy, but 17 looked much younger on him. He was still a child that needed his parents, not a man ready to be a parent. Maybe Severus had been just as much of a child at that age and hadn't realized it. He leaned against the door frame of the loo and focused on the now.

"He's drunk, Cecil, leave him be."

The older man glared up with his look: I'm the adult, I'm the father, I'm old enough to be your father. As if Severus could ever forget.

"Make yourself useful and get a ginger ale."

Severus almost said no, the boy will never learn if he's coddled. Let him suffer his stupidity a while. Let me give him detention for breaking rules. Let me punish whoever encouraged this behavior. Stop preventing me from parenting him. I have just as much a right to do it as you do. He retrieved the ginger ale and a cold compress in silence.

"Give it here," Eads ordered as he extended his hand. "Sip little lark."

 _Little lark_. Severus had never felt inclined to give Jason any sort of nickname. Calling a child something silly only ensures they will grow up to be a very silly sort of adult. At 17 Jason should be taking responsibility for his bad decisions and nursing his own bloody hangover. He should be happy to be nursing a hangover instead of an infant.

"Let's get you to bed," Eads spoke softly as he pulled Jason up.

-;

He dressed slowly, pulling his perfectly creased trousers up over bruised hips. Eads was always careful never to hurt where someone might see. They had reputations to uphold after all. A soft, gentle, aging man; a harsh and cruel bastard. It wouldn't do for anyone to think him weak and docile. Today, there could be no slip ups.

"Where are you off to?" Eads asked as he brushed by. His silver hair stood straight up, in a slightly boyish way that people, including Severus once, found endearing. He'd already gone gray by the time they met at ages 17 and 47 respectively. But once upon a time it had been soft brown like Jason's.

"Headquarters."

"Another problem with the boy?"

When is there ever not a problem with Potter? "I'll be giving the boy private lessons. Given my other duties…." There wasn't much point in finishing the thought. He was only good for two things in their home: cleaning up after Jason and getting fucked.

Eads hummed as he towel-dried himself. "I'm happy to take myself elsewhere. You know that."

"Such domestic bliss." Severus fastened his robes as he walked to the floo, barely caring that they weren't the black ones he'd planned to wear.

He charged into Headquarters with only one thing on his mind, or rather one person. "I need Potter."

Molly Weasley stared him down, the same way Mother used to, the same way Lily used to, and for a small moment he allowed himself to enjoy it. How long had it been since someone bothered to pay him enough time for an actual reprimand? Even Albus only went through the motions. "If you were my boy," she muttered.

"Apologies," Severus made sure to grumble. "Albus has requested that I speak to Potter."

"Unsupervised?" Black's voice echoed through the room.

Marvelous. Severus rolled his eyes but otherwise maintained his composure. He would say the same thing were it Jason. "Supervised then. Just get him."

He stayed facing the same direction after Molly left, only turning once he was certain that Black was seated and calm. No need to start with a fight when it would doubtless end there.

"Er?" Potter asked as he ambled in.

"Sit, Mister Potter." The boy plopped down next to Black.

Black snorted. "Funny, you giving orders in my home."

"I would prefer to speak to you alone, Potter, but Black needs to prove his involvement."

"Meaning?" the dog bared his teeth.

"In what other way can you be useful? You certainly aren't helping the Order." The heat in Black's cheeks brought a smirk to his lips. "The headmaster wishes for me to teach you Occlumency this term."

Potter crossed his arms uncomfortably over his chest. "Teach me what?"

Severus tapped one of his long fingers on the table. "Occlumency, an ancient art meant to protect your mind from external penetration." Protect the mind, make vulnerable the body. Lucky Potter to be dealing with a man disinterested in having sex with teenagers. "You will have private lessons. No one is to know."

Black draped his arm protectively around Potter's shoulders. "Why can't Dumbledore teach Harry?" He looked ready to jump out of his seat. "Why you?"

Because I'm the best. Because I was taught by the most renowned defense master of our age. "Because it is the headmaster's privilege to delegate menial tasks. This is hardly at my request." He bit back his desire to declare the whole thing pointless. "You will have your person in my office, Monday evening, six o'clock. For those who take interest in your whereabouts, the headmaster has decided remedial potions ought to be satisfactory."

Potter sneered at the mention of more potions lessons in the way that a toddler sneers at food they don't like.

"We're not finished," Black said as he leaned across the table. Severus placed his balled fist near his pocket, over the concealed space where he kept his wand. "If I hear you're using these so-called lessons to give Harry sh… a hard time… you'll have me to answer to."

"Touching. I find the boy to be rather like his father."

Black grinned and patted Potter's shoulder with brotherly affection. "Of course he's like James."

"Head so full of air even my criticism can't ground him."

Black pushed his chair aside roughly, though not hard enough to knock it over, and pulled out his wand as he rounded the table. Severus had his own out for so long before Black was in his face it was almost boring. Rounding the table to intimidate him? Why not just fire off spells from across the room?

"Sirius?" Potter called with the same voice Jason often called _"Dad?"_ when they were fighting. It was a tone that said I can't believe you're really doing this.

"Never could take a warning, could you Snivellus?" He stopped just on the other side of Severus' wand, so close they could use their fists. "Pretending you've reformed, pretending you aren't still Malfoy's lapdog…."

Not Lucius' anything, he wanted to snap. But Lucius was a great scapegoat when it came to accounting for his time spent with Eads. "Speaking of Lucius, you'll never guess what mangey dog he recognized at the platform back in September. Funny how you manage to not only be completely useless but also provide the enemy with crucial information. Now that they know your animagus, you do rather have the perfect excuse to never leave your mum's home again."

Black raised his arm, too incompetent to cast without moving. "No!" Potter yelped as he scrambled over the table. "Wait, Sirius!"

"Are you calling me a coward?" Black roared as he threw his arm out to intercept Potter.

"Does that require an answer?"

Black almost dropped his wand, otherwise occupied with keeping Potter out of the way. "Harry—stay—out—of—it!" He gave the boy a good shove and redirected his attention to Severus. "We'll see who's the coward!"

Potter finally managed to get between them just as the door slammed open, announcing the herd of Weasleys entering. "Merlin's beard," Arthur said as he looked between them, still a bit unsteady on his feet since his release from the hospital, "what's going on here?"

Severus lowered his wand immediately, not waiting for Black. Lily wouldn't want for her son to see the adults in his life fighting like children. "Six o'clock Monday, Potter." He stuffed his wand back in its place and beelined to the floo.

-;

If Albus had any care for the sanity of his teachers, he would never have them start the day with 1st years. The mere 10 minutes between first and second period were not enough to get anything back in proper order. It sure set the tone though—disorder and chaos. Monday night came all too quickly. With six o'clock came the end of his office hours, which nobody ever seemed to utilize, and a timid knock at the door.

"Enter."

Potter entered, anticipation, and perhaps fear, written into his features. He should be afraid—Severus could do anything to him, touch him, hurt him, drive him insane. He levitated the pensive onto his desk and counted off the memories that needed to go in it. It was Albus' idea, of course. Why should he care if Potter saw memories of his parents? Because the Dark Lord might learn he was capable of emotions? Only Albus could think something so foolish. The Dark Lord knew full well about his feelings for Lily. It was clearly for Potter's sake—to relieve him of the pain of seeing his father in a negative light, to relieve him of the burden of seeing Severus as a real person.

"Close the door." He pointed Potter to the available chair. "While technically this is not a class, you will treat it as such and refer to me as sir or professor at all times."

 _"_ _Good evening Severus." Eads smiled up at him from his desk. "I'm happy you've taken interest in such an advanced topic. I do not typically instruct students your age." He came around the desk and met Severus, leaving little space between their bodies. "It takes great maturity to handle such magic. I am a man of many years," He tucked a strand of hair behind Severus' ear, "it takes a lot to handle me."_

 _"_ _I can do it," Severus said as he stared up at Eads._

"Yes sir," Potter replied.

Severus rested against the edge of his desk. "Occlumency, as I told you in your godfather's kitchen, will protect your mind from external penetration."

 _"_ _What about internal penetration?" Severus joked._

 _Eads stared with hungry eyes. "What about it?"_

Potter scowled. "And why does Professor Dumbledore think I need it, sir?"

Why indeed. "The Dark Lord is exceptionally proficient at legilimency—"

"What's that sir?"

Why, what, it was like trying to have a conversation with a two-year-old. "It is the ability to extract… feelings and memories," and surface thoughts, he added silently, "from another's mind."

Potter nearly jumped from his seat and seemed only to have been stopped by temporary shock. "He reads minds?"

Indeed. "That is an oversimplification. You fail to see the difference between the Muggle and magical definition. Muggles speak of mind reading, as if the mind is a book that can be opened and read at leisure. The mind is layered and complex—it takes great strength and focus to find anything intentionally." He smirked, both amused by his own abilities and by the shocked look on the boy's face. "Those who are skilled at legilimency may, under the correct circumstances, explore the minds of their victims and interpret their findings correctly. For example, the Dark Lord almost always knows when someone in his presence is lying. Fooling him requires using occlumency to shut down all thoughts and emotions that contradict the lie."

 _"_ _I don't know anything worth lying about."_

 _Eads tutted. "The young do not always understand what constitutes as dangerous. If the headmaster knew I was seeing you privately, for example…."_

 _Severus inched closer. He'd lied for Tobias because he had to, but he would lie for Eads because he wanted to. Anything to keep the man's attention. "It's our secret."_

"But," Potter started and stopped. His lips puckered into a look of constipation while he tried to sort it out. "Could he know what we're thinking now, sir?"

Hopefully not, but truth be told they weren't sure how the boy's connection to the Dark Lord worked. Or Albus knew and didn't feel like sharing. "Eye contact is typically required."

"Typically?" Potter grunted.

"Your case isn't typical." It was enough talking, as far as he was concerned. "Now then…"

"But why stop it?"

Severus bit back his retort. Even a child should be able to understand why the Dark Lord might be a dangerous mind-fellow. "In all appearances, the Dark Lord has been unaware of the link between your minds. On the night Arthur Weasley was attacked, he became aware of your presence." Potter leaned forward, ready to speak again. "Enough. I tire of your questions."

He thought only of a select few memories—those that Albus would expect to see the imprints of when the pensive was returned. The secrets he held as a spy were the most valuable of all. His secrets with Eads… there may be no choice but to let those go.

 _The first entry was terribly uncomfortable. Eads went in too hard. He wasn't ready. Not that he could have possibly been ready. But he didn't physically react. Uncertain of how to make it stop, he focused on the feeling of Eads in him. External penetration, as Eads called it. It didn't hurt, didn't feel good either; it just was._

 _Eads removed himself and Severus dropped to his knees. He felt empty. It was the closest he'd ever been to another person. "I…I want to do it again."_

 _"_ _Good."_

"You will attempt to remove me from your mind," Severus continued. "You may use any means—defensive magic, your fists, should you get close enough—but the goal is to learn to do it with only your mind. Stand up and take out your wand."

Potter stood slowly, his wide eyes on Severus' wand. "What are you going to do?"

 _"_ _It's just penetration. Don't fight, Severus. Just feel me and let it be."_

 _"_ _I can't." He winced and bit into his lip so hard it bled._

 _"_ _Then embrace it. Direct me where you want me."_

Severus lowered his wand only slightly. "I will attempt to break into your mind. You should be able to resist somewhat seeing as you are able to throw off the imperius curse. They require similar defenses." His words were soft, like he was telling Jason about a medical appointment or something else unpleasant. "Brace yourself. Legilimens."

The onslaught was nearly unbearable. Potter was small and watching another boy on a tricycle; Potter was larger, perhaps eight, and being chased by a dog; Potter was arguing with the sorting hat; Potter was visiting something large and furry in the hospital wing; Potter was fighting off dementors; Potter was leaning in to kiss Miss Chang.

A decently aimed stinging hex hit his wand hand and he released the spell. Potter fell to his knees with a resounding thud and looked immediately up.

"Was a stinging hex your intention?" Severus asked as he stretched out his fingers.

"No," Potter spat as he lifted himself off the floor. "Did you see what I saw?"

Severus raised his eyebrows in place of a nod. "To whom did the dog belong?"

Potter glared. "My Aunt Marge."

Aunt? Not a proper aunt, surely. Potter was an only child; Lily only had Petunia. "For a first attempt it was not as poor as it might have been."

 _"_ _Where are you putting me?"_

 _Severus rubbed at his eyes, attempting to lessen the headache. "Classes, school business mostly."_

 _Eads cupped his hand around the back of Severus' neck. "Put me deeper, into a memory with so much emotional energy I cannot push it aside. I can be done if you want. I don't mind."_

 _"_ _Okay."_

"You must remain focused. Repel me with your mind."

"I'm trying!" Potter snapped. "You're not telling me how." A blush rose in his cheeks.

"Manners," Severus warned. "Close your eyes and clear your mind. Let go of your emotions." Including the anger I can see on your face, he added silently. Anger and love, the emotions ruled by passion, are hardest to release. "Again, on the count of three. One—two—three."

-;

He popped an aspirin and swallowed it dry, a better option than leaving his office for a glass of water. If he left the office, Eads would know he was home and the discussion promised in the man's missive, delivered via owl at supper, would occur. Was he finally leaving? Jason had another year of school left. Severus always assumed they would stay together until Jason was fully grown and out of school and then make time for the discussion. He'd always imagined they would have separate rooms then, perhaps separate houses, and tell Jason little to nothing. There would eventually be grandchildren after all.

Not that he was naïve enough to believe that Eads would continue his personal life quietly. He'd find someone younger, someone who knew enough about sex to not drunkenly put it in the wrong hole and ruin his life again. Bloody wizard-kind and the male birth fold.

The door creaked open, flooding the small room with light. "Severus?"

"Eads?"

The silence was deafening. He knew full well Eads couldn't stand being called that. Calling him by his name, Cecil, outside of Jason's presence had only lasted the first few years…through the first few affairs.

Severus leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap. "Make it quick." More silence. He looked up, fully expecting to find the man aroused and free of his trousers. If they fucked first the conversation would be shorter. But he wasn't.

Severus approached him slowly, still not sure how to comfort him, or if he wanted to comfort him. Eads had only ever wanted one form of comfort. "Cecil?"

Eads guided their bodies, wrapping his arms around Severus' waist and pulling him close. "I…" He frowned and cleared his throat. "They offered to notify you via post. But seeing as we still live together…."

Notify him via post. It took all Severus had to remain still.

"I need you to go get tested."

He shoved Eads away, the skin where his arms had been practically burning, and backed himself against the wall. They'd forgotten a condom recently. It hadn't dawned on him to still be concerned about this. "I hope he was worth it."

Eads cleared his throat again. "Why don't we go out?"

It was what they used to do when he was younger. Eads would come home looking guilty and then take him out, usually someplace expensive. The first time they'd had **this** conversation, everything had lined up. All the nights out, every date, was to make up for the cheating. They hadn't really been on a date since.

"No," He pushed off the wall and made to return to his office. "No, I'm busy."

"Severus."

"I said I'm busy!" He let the door slam shut behind him.

The hours dwindled by. All his grading was done; He was up-to-date on all the research published in Potions Quarterly; His desk was so tidy he could sleep on it. But he didn't particularly want to. His back bothered him at the best of times and if anyone deserved to sleep on the couch it was Eads. He stripped down to his shorts and left his clothes folded on the chair so that he didn't have to make any noise.

He slipped under the covers and held a pillow under his arm like always. The snoring stopped and silence set in. Acknowledging Eads would just make him feel pathetic. Yet not discussing it would just reaffirm for him that he'd never mattered.

"Severus?"

"What?"

"Can we discuss it?"

He held the pillow tighter. "You're sleeping with other people and don't respect my body enough to protect it. Because you're not meant to be caged, yes I know."

 _"_ _I don't understand what I'm supposed to be tested for," he said as he shifted Jason on his hip._

 _Eads winced. "I often forget how young you are. My testicles are swollen and I've a green penile discharge. I have the potions for testing and treatment with me. You'll take them and we'll have a date." He smiled and played with Jason's hair like it was a regular conversation._

 _Severus' eyebrows kitted together as he tried to sort it out. "Are you saying it's my fault?"_

 _"_ _Of course not. Just take it," he pulled a potion out of his pocket, "and we'll get dinner."_

 _He knew the potion by sight thanks to his mastery's medical requirements: gonorrhea. The knot in his throat almost choked him up. They'd been together two years and had a baby—wasn't that good enough? "I hope he was worth it," he said as he handed Jason over. "And I'll brew it myself."_

The mattress sunk as Eads rolled over and wrapped his arm lightly around Severus' waist. "Even if this wasn't everything you wanted, we've done a good job by him haven't we?"

"For all that I've been allowed to parent him? You know I love him more than anything." He tried not to enjoy being held. "And we both know he's the only thing you've ever loved."

-:

"I'm trying!" Potter screamed from his position on the floor. "You aren't telling me what I need to do."

"Focus—your—mind," Severus growled. "Banish your emotions."

He looked pathetic, down on the floor on all fours, dripping sweat. Severus wasn't even pushing that hard. He could tear through the boy's mind without so much as a thought. But Potter didn't trust him not to; Potter didn't trust him enough to learn; He didn't trust Potter enough to teach.

"You can feel me in your mind, can't you? The memories I see cause you pain? I see the potential for pain—things that you do not want me to see. Shut down those emotions. Put me in memories that will cause neither distress nor harm when viewed." He'd always considered those memories to be the hardest to share. It's so simple to destroy a memory of happiness, particularly in a youth. "For god's sake Potter," he almost winced at his use of the Muggle phrase, "show me something happy."

Potter gave him a stone-cold glare. "So you can mock me? No way."

"Again then," he snarled as he pulled the boy up. He said the spell, saw Potter's protego coming before it was cast, and let it hit.

Just as he suspected, Potter's adolescent rage and lack of control created an onslaught he could barely keep up with. The boy wasn't looking for anything but pain.

 _He let himself into Eads' chambers and pulled his bag tight against him. Like always, it contained a spare set of robes and his first class' book—in case he didn't wake up early enough to sneak back to the dungeons. That night he certainly wouldn't need them. He ran his hand along the back of the sofa and then the wall as he inched toward the bedroom._

 _"_ _Uhm hi," he called from the doorway._

 _"_ _Severus, come here." Eads smiled and patted the space on the bed next to him. When Severus didn't approach, he set his book on the side table. "Come here."_

 _"_ _No…" he motioned to the sitting room twice before he got himself to talk. "I'm… I'm pregnant and I don't expect you to…. I don't expect that you'll be involved, but I am keeping it." He said all of it faster than he'd ever said anything. "Have a good night professor, I'll see you in class tomorrow." He pushed off the doorframe and hurried back the way he came._

"Enough!" Severus bellowed as he forced Potter out of his mind. "Enjoying yourself?"

Potter stared up at him, eyes wide and filled with a mix of loathing and confusion. "You?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Had a baby with my defense professor, yes. You aren't to mention it. Now," he extended his wand to give the boy fair warning, "give me a happy memory."

They were in a large room at Hogwarts standing in front of a mirror. From where he stood, Severus could see only Potter's reflection, but as he moved an image appeared. Lily and James were on either side of Potter—behind them stood a whole flock of people, some of whom he recognized as Lily's family. It was the perfect memory. With better focus Potter could hold someone there, trapped in the mirror.

For once, he withdrew and Potter remained upright. "Despite your inability to follow orders, you selected an adequate memory."

Potter frowned and spoke like Severus hadn't. "Does Dumbledore know? If it was a professor then…."

Incredible that the boy assumed Dumbledore had always been a safe person for him. He wouldn't have cared and it certainly wouldn't have been something worth ending Eads' career over.

"Does your…kid go here?"

Severus nodded. "Seventh year. Ravenclaw. You're dismissed."

Potter started to argue, but seemed to think better of it and instead stared silently at Severus, like he was a puzzle that needed solving. "But…. Are you still with him?"

"Yes."

Potter cocked his head in what Severus assumed was an attempt at subtlety. He didn't have to think to know what the boy was looking for. "We aren't married."

"Why?"

Why indeed. Because Eads never thought enough of him to ask. Because he would never ask a man that didn't want to be with him to make such a commitment. "Get out."

-:

Potter knocked like he didn't want the door to open. Truth be told, Severus didn't want the door to open. Opening the physical door might mean opening the door on decades of repressed emotions. He flicked his finger and let it creak open. Potter came straight in, head held high, and seated himself without needing to be asked.

"Have you practiced as instructed?"

"Yes sir. There aren't any Snapes in Ravenclaw." He said it with the confidence of one making casual conversation with an old friend. "I checked."

"He has his father's name." Severus cleared his throat and rested his laced hands on the desk. "Are you still having dreams?"

"Sort of. Is he really old?"

"When we met, he was twelve years older than I am now and I was two years older than you are. Define sort of."

Potter cringed. "I don't know. I guess I'm remembering a dream. Maybe. Do you love him?"

"Is this twenty-questions?" Potter stared straight ahead. "Not anymore." He let a brief silence set in. "Why are you so interested in my life?"

"You having a family is unbelievable. You being the bad guy isn't. Are you as bad a father as you are a professor?"

Severus growled. "We are not friends. I will not tolerate your insubordination."

Potter bit his lip before charging ahead, seemingly giving himself a moment to back out. "Then is your…is he at least a good father?"

"My partner," Severus said with raised eyebrows, "is not something I wish to discuss with you. You do not get open access to my pain without sharing your own. Now prepare yourself—"


End file.
